In a few days I will speak to some members of my church about dealing with their "Cravings" and share more about my journey of weight loss. I agreed to do this speaking engagement months ago. I remember telling my pastor, "It's hard to speak to others and encourage them when I am in such a tough place myself." I know that my journey is important to share. I see lives changed through my courage to speak about food and God.
But I have to admit, I have never felt so unworthy of the cause right now.
I am struggling with more than just my faith...I am struggling with my weight. Here is the truth that I haven't wanted to share with all of you...I have gained back 30 pounds over the past year. Ugh...I hate even writing that. I worked SO HARD to get to where I was and I feel so defeated. Yes, I have tried to lose it again but it is harder this time. Things that worked before, are not working. I am not working a job right now and haven't been for the past 5 months. All day full of time to sit around and think about what to eat. It has been a tough 5 months for so many reasons. I am sad to share this with you but at least you know I am human. This part of the journey is usually not part of the books or blogs you read about weight loss. I will blog more about gaining the weight back...I am sure some of you can relate to that.
So here I am, preparing what I will say to others about how God is faithful to help you with your issues with food. I feel like a bit of a fraud. I do know those truths...I have seen them work but I am not trusting now. Maybe this speaking event is more for me than them. Isn't that a crazy thought...?
Satan LOVES me like this because I hear his lies louder than ever. These are his lies...
You have no right to tell these people to trust God
God has left you to deal with this weight, you are the one who put it back on
You are not qualified to do this
Who do you think you are?
This is when I have to tell myself who I really am. I am a child of God who has been given the opportunity to share the gospel. I am a real woman, with real struggles that has seen the promises of God in her life.
God does not call those who are equipped, he equips those He calls. I am called to speak the words, God is the one that works in the people hearing them. That is beyond me but I am being faithful and doing what is asked of me.
I don't have to be perfect to be a tool used by God. He actually prefers the broken because He can shine through the cracks.
Please be in prayer that I can be a faithful servant on Sunday and that my words...my honest words...will help change the life of someone listening.
