The Gain

Along this journey you will lose and gain many things..including pounds. I can't say it enough but I know it is hard to truly believe this...the number on the scale does NOT dictate your success. You can do everything right and still gain a pound or two on the scale. We need to change the thought process of when we look at those numbers. Here is a little glimpse into my mind when I get on the scale and see a gain...

Remove anything that could weigh even 1/10 of a pound....that includes the hair tie.
Step on scale....hold your breathe...that could help?
Well, that wasn't what I wanted. hhhhmmm...
Did I make healthy choices this week? Most of the time
Did I try to walk or be active this week? Most of the time
Did I get closer to God this week? Yes!
Well, the other things will fall into place eventually and this number doesn't determine who I is a new day today and I refuse to let this stop me!

I know that sometimes this dialogue can be a bit more negative but this would be a good example to follow. The "old me" would see a gain and see failure, defeat and hopelessness. Not anymore...I refuse to let those untrue feelings about myself let me get off track. Just because I feel them doesn't mean that they are true. I know my truth! 

There is another kind of gain when you get on the scale and see the pounds fall off. This is the gain of SO many things including strength, confidence, peace and the presence of Jesus in your life. I am not ashamed to say that I have done some dances in my bathroom after a great weigh in. I always lift my hands to the sky and thank Jesus for bringing me to this point. All the glory goes to HIM.

So hang in there ladies, rejoice in the gains and the losses. Say goodbye to the "old you" that would get discouraged and give up....that person isn't around anymore. She was replaced with a determined and confident Jesus girl!

This song is something I would listen to ALL THE TIME during my first months of weight loss...I hope it encourages you! If you don't know Mandisa's story, you should check it out. She read the Made to Crave book just like me and lost a lot of weight! She is still on her journey...

                                                              Mandisa "Say Goodbye"

The Messy Stuff

I had some tears with Jesus this morning. When I start to cry out of nowhere, I have to ask myself these questions:

1. That time of the month? nope
2. A lot going on in life? Yes...more than a lot
3. Have I been making good and empowering food choices? Yes
4. Am I spending time in God's word and in Prayer? oh yeah...more than ever before

Then why am I feeling this way? I was confused at first because I thought this "craving Him and not food" thing would make me feel stronger and not weaker. Confident and not insecure. Successful and not like a failure. But then I realized...the issues that I have pushed away with food for so long are now in the front row, holding big signs and staring right at me.

When we stop putting food in our mouth to deal with our issues...these issues will come to the surface. They don't come to the surface as a punishment but as an opportunity for Jesus to heal those parts of your heart. He can't heal what you are not willing to offer up to him and let go of.

So the past few weeks have been some of the toughest of my life...and I haven't turned to food like I would have before. I have turned to God more now than ever before. I feel extremely close to Him but here is my confession...

I feel unsettled and unconsolable.
I feel weak and vulnerable.
I feel out of control like at any moment my emotions could fall out and spill all over the floor making a HUGE mess that I won't ever be able to clean up.

When I asked God to come into my life and heal the broken parts of my heart...he didn't take that request lightly. I struggle with issues of control, like most women of this world. Even if the world was falling around outside of me, I could ALWAYS control my reactions and emotions. Lately, the control is almost non-exsitant.

I desperately pray and desire peace in my heart and mind. Not the kind of peace this world offers, but Holy peace. I realize that I can't have control issues and Holy peace in me at the same time, there isn't enough room. God is making room in me for more of His presence and less of me trying to control everything. God is doing a mighty work in me and even though it is uncomfortable and messy. I will continue to be weak, vulnerable, unsettled and let him take over because He loves me enough to not leave me where I am at.

As you walk on this journey...remind yourself that it is ok not to be perfect. It is ok to feel like a mess. Comfortable people rarely get to see God work in a mighty way. I would rather look like a total mess to this world than close myself off to my Savior and Creator.

So until He is finished His work in me...Lord, I want more of you and less of me...and I don't care what that process looks like on the outside.

Empty Me by Jeremy Camp

Apology to the skinny girl

As a massive group of women that are unhappy with our bodies and insecure beyond belief, we need to stop hating the skinny women of the world.

It is easy to look at others and reduce what we are becuase of what they are. Beth Moore calls this "bad math" in her book "So long insecurity, you have been a bad friend to us." To break it down, here is how we feel:

She is skinny + I am not = I am ugly
She dresses in really nice clothes + I can't shop at those stores = I am worthless
She makes a lot of money at her job + I make less than her = I am a loser
She has a beautiful baby + I am having trouble getting pregnant = I am a failure 

As crazy as it feels to read this, we actually DO THIS in our heads! It is absolutely ridiculous. So next time you see a women with a smaller figure,  better clothes or the picture perfect family, don't become a victim of bad math. Anytime you see a woman that makes you feel insecure...stop your thought process and change it. See that woman as a sister in Christ with just an many issues as any of us have. Love her, don't envy her. Pray for her, don't put her down. This is long overdue.

Dear Skinny Girl,

I am so sorry. I am sorry that I hated and judged you for so long. I am sorry that I scoured your body looking for flaws that I could cling to and sooth myself with. I am sorry for being a friend to your face while envying every bit of food you put into your mouth that I was convinced had 0 calories for you. I am sorry for truly believing that your life was "perfect" because you wore a smaller jean size, had more boyfriends and wore shirts from stores I wouldn't even walk into. I am sorry that I unloaded all of my own insecurities onto you. I am sorry that I didn't see you as a wonderful woman that is incredibly more than just your size. Just because you are made one way, doesn't mean I am nothing and I apologize for feeling that way for so long. I hope that someday when I am a skinny girl, no one treats me the way I treated you.  Again, I am truly sorry and I will promise to change the way I think about you from this point on.


I don't know about you but I have enough baggage to carry around and it is very heavy. I don't need to carry this ridiculous and unwarranted hate around as well...I am letting it go today. I hope you will too...