This morning, before I even opened my eyes, I was worrying. What a horrible way to wake up and start your day. My mind was racing with all the same troubles I had yesterday. God commands us to not be anxious so I felt guilty for worrying and being anxious about my life. I just started a new devotional (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) and this is what it said this morning,
"When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself. You are only human {...} Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you."
Before reading, before doing anything but making coffee, I actually went online to Craig's List to look for another job. Now thinking about it...on a Sunday morning, that was the first thing I choose to do :o( Anxiety is a poison that grows inside our hearts till it runs out of room and then is projected on the people that we love. I like to have control over my life, my career and my finances but the Lord is slowly weaning me off of these items and causing me to solely depend on him. It is painful. It is scary but I am thankful he is taking the time to work on me.
The final part of my devotional for today was what really got to me.
"Slow down your pace of living for a time. Quiet your mind in My Presence. Then you will be able to hear Me bestowing resurrection blessing: Peace be with you."
Slow down...this is difficult for me to do physically and almost impossible to do mentally. But if I want to hear the Lord, that is what I need to do. A "resurrection blessing" sounds amazing and peace is something I don't think I may have felt yet during my adult life.
I read in the Bible about after Jesus was resurrected, He went to His people and said, "peace be with you" There He was...their Jesus...back from the dead and standing right in front of them. There was absolutely no doubt in their minds who He was and what amazing peace that would bring to someone.
Tomorrow is August 1st. Most of you have no meaning attached but tomorrow the Lord will be with us as we get to zero. Zero in the bank account. Zero direction for big choices ahead. Zero back-up plans. Zero...the number of dreams that I have left for my life. All the "plans" I had made are now back to ground zero....to make way for the dream God has for us.
I will fight all my "humanness" and try not be anxious, not be worried and not be scared. For my Lord is with me and is planning a way for me that is greater than I could ever imagine.
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