control.alt.delete

I have fallen off the wagon....and then rolled down the hill and hitched a ride to the nearest pizza place.

I need a reboot. A total start over.

Since I started my weight loss journey I have had a few minor set backs. This is completely normal and expected. Lysa TerKeurst says, "A set back is a set up for a come back." Previously, when I have fallen off my plan, I would just let it go and start again the next day. Not this time...I want you to know that I am not talking about a bad day where I had 2 pieces of pizza instead of 1. This was not a case of eating a piece of chocolate or treating myself to a fancy coffee drink. I just let it all go. Here is my public confession, as ugly as it is. I know someone out there reading it will totally understand what I am going through.

I knew last week that I was getting the "I want to stop losing weight and have a normal life again" ideas in my head. They were stronger than ever and this was a red flag. I had a minor tantrum (these are normal when you stop eating your emotions) and got myself back together by mid-week. Then we went away for the weekend to the type of place where I would little to no choice in my meals. Proceed with caution. It started so little and innocent..I'll have some popcorn, a small cookie....and so on.  I knew I was going down and I just let it happen. Cookies, chips, beef jerky, chocolate, pizza, hash browns, full fat coffee creamer, full fat salad dressing...to most of you these are just normal things but to me it was like a feeding frenzy. This was the beginning of a long 5 days.

I want to make it clear that this isn't about calories, grams of fat or pounds..this is about the mental control that food has over me. It is an addiction. I went on a food binge.

By day 4...anything and everything was game. I ate foods that I had been thinking about eating for months. It was almost like if I just ate it, I could get over it and feel better but I felt worse afterwards. My body totally revolted against what I was doing and I got really sick. This didn't deter me though...it wasn't till last night when I realized how much I had gained in only 5 days, how horrible I felt emotionally, spiritually and physically, how distant I felt from God...I told my husband that I needed an intervention. Enter today...start over and REBOOT!

I am so incredibly thankful that God's mercy is new every single morning. His strength is perfect in my weakness and I. am. so. weak.

There it is...the rotten truth. I could consider this a BIG set back...but then I realized that the past 5 days just confirm how important this journey is and how much farther I do have to go. I want to get to a place where food doesn't control me...only my Jesus can get me to that point. Even though I have lost 72 pounds...I still need Jesus every day to keep me close to Him and keep me on track. For when I am close to Him and living a healthy life..that is when I feel fulfilled, peaceful and happy.

"Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. 1 Corinthians 10:23

control.alt.delete